UNMASKING ADHD: FROM MISDIAGNOSES TO BREAKTHROUGH - A 30-SOMETHING ADHD DIAGNOSIS STORY
- Nat Harrison
- Jun 2
- 7 min read
Updated: Jun 11
Unmasking ADHD is a series where I'll share stories of clients' and colleagues' ADHD experiences. My hope is that this will become a series of different experiences that I can share with you all.
Meet Laurie, a creative marketer, web designer and colleague of mine. In this post, she shares how it felt to receive her ADHD at 32 after a very long journey of misdiagnosis, no diagnosis, and a lifetime of feeling something wasn't right and the answers she was getting weren't right either (something many of you can probably empathise with). Laurie describes how she felt as her ADHD assessment grew closer and the emotional rollercoaster, post-diagnosis. Will hand you over to Laurie...
"BEFORE I GET INTO MY POST-DIAGNOSIS EXPERIENCE, I WANTED TO GIVE YOU A QUICK OVERVIEW OF HOW I GOT HERE.
"I struggled most of my teenage and adult life, but initially I had put it down to poor mental health. I was first diagnosed with depression at 18, and when things got harder once I had my son, and again during lockdown 2020, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression, which eventually led to being referred to a psychiatrist for further assessment in 2022.
Over the years, I was assessed for Cyclothymia, Bipolar II and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I tried so many different medications, but none of them worked for me - that's not to say they won't work for others, but in my case, it just wasn’t the right treatment. Eventually, I was told I had BPD in early 2024, but it never really fit. A lot of symptoms didn’t match, and the ones that did felt more like ADHD (symptoms I was already aware of from my work in the neurodivergent space) - but by this point, I was managing, so I was discharged.
A year later, during a mental health review, I questioned the diagnosis and found out they had decided to rule out BPD. I had no personality or mental health disorders (but I did have anxiety)- I’d just never received the confirmation letter. I mentioned ADHD, and my nurse agreed it was likely, so I was screened and referred to ADHD360 through Right To Choose, and now, at 32, I finally have a diagnosis - ADHD Combined Type (and anxiety). My symptoms and the subsequent poor mental health had been a result of undiagnosed ADHD (a neurological difference, not a mental health condition, but one that can impact mental health without answers, without understanding of self, and adjustments).
This isn’t an unusual story - misdiagnosis and later diagnosis in women are incredibly common - Nat wrote a brilliant post about this if you want to learn more about that - read it just here.
NOW YOU HAVE THE BACKSTORY, HERE IS WHAT HAPPENED FOR ME SINCE RECEIVING MY DIAGNOSIS
I remember being excited about my ADHD assessment. After years of speaking to my doctor, fighting for answers for myself and struggling with poor mental health and misdiagnoses, it was a really big moment for me - it felt like the answer was finally around the corner.
By the time the assessment was nearing, I had already spent a lot of time learning and understanding what ADHD is and myself better, and it felt really good to be closer to some clarity. I was so nervous going into the assessment because I’d been here before with other diagnoses (and misdiagnosed), and at the same time, I still didn’t know what to expect.
The day of the assessment came, and of course I was 20 minutes late (arrgghhh) - I'd put it in my calendar for the wrong time (huge thanks to ADHD360 for accommodating the additional time)! I had a video call with a Psychiatrist who reviewed multiple forms that my family and I had filled out, and gave me an Attention Test, and that was it - years of waiting, and it was over in a couple of hours.
INITIAL RELIEF AFTER AN ADHD DIAGNOSIS
I had expected the relief, and that was my first feeling! I felt free because I finally had an answer to why I was different and had struggled so much growing up (and as an adult). Aside from finally knowing, it meant there was a light at the end of the tunnel - I could now get some support and find ways to do things in a way that works for me, because I had confirmation that I'm not incapable, I'd just been trying so hard to fit into a box that I didn’t fit into (and never had) and masking is exhausting.
I remember calling my mum straight away and crying. It was a release of years of questions and frustration (mostly towards myself), and it gave me the validation and forgiveness I needed, to know that I wasn't broken and that the things I’d struggled with all my life weren’t my fault.
UNPACKING MY ENTIRE LIFE
What I didn’t expect was the heartbreak for younger me (the child who had experienced long being misunderstood). I thought back through my life - the moments I didn’t feel enough, where I had doubted and questioned myself, told myself I was useless, too much, too little, too emotional, too lazy, too incapable - all the negative labels flooded back.
There was also grief for the loss of the life that I could have had, had I been diagnosed as a child and given some tools to help me manage myself. There were a lot of maybes. "Maybe I would have this", "Maybe that wouldn't have happened", "Maybe life would have been easier", or "Maybe I could have just done better". I desperately wanted to hug every version of me and tell her she was never the problem.
THE INTERNALISED BIAS
But with that, I realised how much internalised bias I had built up over a lifetime trying to mould myself into someone I wasn’t - someone who didn’t need help and could fix herself because if she did, maybe she’d be good enough - the cumulative impact on my self-esteem was huge.
I've never thought that way about anyone else, so why did I feel it towards myself?
I think I had always subconsciously carried this idea that my being different is bad. No one ever showed me otherwise growing up! Nobody has actually said I was bad, but I had perceived it. It was in the 'small' criticisms and the stigma around difference that was so prevalent in the 1990s and early 2000s.
That has been really difficult to unpack, and I carry a lot of guilt toward myself for how I treated myself and how cruel my internal thoughts were whenever I felt ashamed. There's also the worry that if I had made myself feel that way, had I ever made anyone else feel that way as a byproduct of criticising myself so harshly?
Overall, I would say being diagnosed has given me the impetus to really do the some personal development work and fully heal from my inner critic and my internalised ableism so I can fully accept me as I am - because it turns I really like ME JUST THE WAY I AM!
UNMASKING, ADJUSTING, & RELEARNING
Once I got the diagnosis, it felt as if the mask evaporated (it didn’t, but it felt like it and I felt a little exposed), which made me realise how much I had been masking most of the time. I was overperforming and overachieving beyond my capacity, at my own cost, and I wondered why I was always ill, tired, stressed, and overwhelmed, so when the mask dropped, I was left feeling very exhausted.
Nat (read Nat's story here gave me some great advice about using discernment and easing myself into this new way of being, and I definitely understand why. You still need to do everything you've always done: go to work, be a good parent/partner, and juggle everything in life while also re-learning yourself and processing the old emotions that a diagnosis brings up. And there is power in discernment - choosing how you move forward at your own pace and how you show up for yourself - diagnosis has given me autonomy over myself and my life.
MEDICATION & TITRATION
When I started unmasking at my own pace, I realised how much I had been struggling; I just didn't admit it to myself before! So, I asked for support and medication. I'm three weeks into titration for Elvanse 30mg, and it's been an experience!! I'm still struggling, but I am noticing gradual changes in my productivity.
I am still very much ADHD and still struggle with time management and overperforming, but it's still early days, and things are getting easier to manage. I haven't lost my personality either (which was my fear), but I'm still in the figuring-it-out stage. Medication isn't for everyone, and it might not be for me, but you get to choose which steps you take once you receive your diagnosis, and that is the point of it. I also applied for Access to Work to receive additional support at work, so that was a huge step and felt like a weight lifted.
SO WHAT’S NEXT?
Medication isn't the only avenue, and although I can't give professional advice, there's ADHD coaching like Nat's, which can help you learn the tools to embrace your ADHD, focus on your strengths and manage the challenges in work and life. I can attest to how great she is and how safe she makes people feel!
She also has tons of resources, packed full of tools that I have used myself, and they've really helped, like EFT for emotional regulation and binaural beats to aid focus.
Last but certainly not least, this is your reminder that ADHD is not a flaw and not something to be ashamed of - it's a different way of moving through the world and processing information - you are not the problem and you never were."
ABOUT ADHD CAREER COACH NAT HARRISON
OF AYAMA COACHING
Hi, I am Nat. I help people become more fulfilled and happy in their working lives by aligning their careers or businesses with their skills, values, and interests and helping them overcome barriers to making the desired change.
I am also a certified Specialist- ADHD coach. I work with neurodivergent people who want to harness their brains for the better and improve their relationships with themselves.
Book a FREE consultation below if you would benefit from some coaching on your work life.
Komentarze